General Chat

As you sow, so shall you reap. Not that I'm a bible basher. But I spent the last 20 years in industry trying to make undisciplined unruly badly behaved adults do a fair days work for the very good money I paid them and they badly wanted. They were brought up by badly behaved and couldnt care less parents. We now have one of the most undisciplined and badly behaved generations in the last 40 years. These things go in circles and if you study history you can easily see what I am talking about, and its no use the 'we know best' brigade denying it. Read your history, take the lessons, get real. Its a sad reflection on society and a glimpse into the upcoming generation gives no cheer whatsoever.

Am I right in thinking that up until recently, you and your daughter were VERY close ? Have you always treated her as an 'equal' ? and usually taken her side if things are wrong ? Are you a 'single Mum' or is there a 'Step Dad' ? Have you usually had rules but have been pretty lenient with them ? These are questions that my sister was asked in the same situation .... I'd be interested to see what your answers are ... Elaine ;-)

lorraine - they cannot do that. there is a procedure that they HAVE to follow. I'm not saying personally you are a child beater , crystal, far from it, just a normal Mum, but So much was learned in the Victoria Climbe case, and so much has happened since in order to safeguard our children. A slap round the face DOES constitute physical abuse and will be followed up as such. Google and find and read 'the children act 1989 and the 2004 ammendments, and the section every child matters, at least then you'll be equipped to know the procedure that has to be ,and will , be followed

Crystal The way I see it - your a mum who cares and loves her child - why else would you be worried to death and out looking for her at that time of night. I don't believe in children being beaten - suffered enough of that when I was a child. But someone else said that they had a smack and probably deserved it - that if I'm honest would have been me to. It seems you tried all the other 'punishments' to no avail and yes sometimes we flip. When my daughter was between the age of 12-15, I could have merrily killed her - she had turned from being a quiet little mouse into a horror. Never slapped her face but she came close to it a few times. Can only remember losing my cool once during that time and yes I did hit her across her arm. To say she was amazed would be an understatement she went off crying but within an hour she came sobbing wanting an hug saying she was sorry and yes peace reigned supreme for months after. There's a saying in the book of Proverbs 'Spare the rod and spoil the child'. It doesn't literally mean beat a child with a rod but speaks of just punishment. If what the do gooders was workable, I'd be the first to say fantastic. It DOES NOT why else are so many children debarred from school and teachers ending up in hospital. Why have we so much crime - there is no real punishment. There comes a time when enough is enough and our children must learn to respect us and know who is the boss. My daughter is now 28 and admits that she lead me a merry dance and is so contrite about it. Its a long way off for you but I sincerely hope that all will work out for you and that your daughter too will one day realise that you chastised her because you love her not because you didn't. Hope this makes sense. Dorothy

Me and my brother were smaked as children but only when warented and if I had a child I would smack them if it was necessary - when a smack is done propally it's the parent thats hurt more than the child, the child has some pain initally like when they fall over but their pride hurts more than anything else. To be honest I thought the law still said the the parent had the right to use 'resonable force' to chastice / punish their child. I know scotland has banned smacking completely a few years ago. I'm sure the teachers are only following protocols for such alligations, at least if she really was a battered child you know the school would intervian. Is it practical to ground her completely? ie, take away her house keys and lock her in the house, pocket money and mobile, stop her watching TV other than say in the living room and stop her going out. I know when I was grounded my mum would take the fuse for the upstairs electrics out of the fuse box and if I tried to walk out the door mam would have locked the doors too. (my aunt went as far as telling her boy to leave his clothes and toys behind when he wanted to run away after being punished - he was 5 at the time but never tried it again). If daughter is calmer at the moment, she's probally a bit afraid that you will slap her again and that might not be a bad thing if it keeps her in line.

what you have to realise, is that your daughter is going through physiological changes, her body is changing, and hormones are running wild...she is neither a child, nor a woman. luckily for me, as a single dad, my girls gave me quite an easy time, yes i had my moments, but i never resorted to being physical. by smacking her face, you lost control of your temper, and two wrongs dont make it right... if you feel that your daughter needs such harsh discipline, then perhaps you should both seek councelling. this is just my oppinion from what i've read, as obviously i don't know your true circumstance.. bryan.

crystal i think you sound like a loving and caring mother its a shame the school didnt ask you to one of there meetings to discuss this situation first xlorraine xx

How does she know what you'll do next! How do you know what YOU'LL do next? You have quite plainly said you'd do it agian.Why would you have to do it again? if it worked this time, then there wouldnt be a next time.And if there is , this time was pointless and got you no where

In my honest opinion I am glad I was reported, But when she came home from school she was sat there smirking at me I won't say what my reply was to her. Crystal.x

Really sorry, don't like to disagree with anyone but smacking is NOT illegal. There have been many debates on this subject and the anti-smacking brigade has tried to have it banned for many years and indeed shout so loudly about it many people do indeed think it's illegal but it's not. Look at this link which explains the government's latest stance. http://news.bbc*co*uk/1/hi/uk_politics/3868561.stm Best wishes Snowdrops updated as I can't stand my typos!!!

Those people who think smacking(as apart from beating) can be abolished by legislation, are living in cloud cuckoo land. It can be made pretty much infra dig as per smoking, but human nature in the form of instant anger, can never be fully controlled. Happy days

Jess, Whilst your opinions are valued and you have every right to voice it but how can you say she is afraid of what I will do next. I do not beat my kids. Crystal.x

Your daughter may appear calmer if she thinks that by your being reported to social services will get you into trouble. The problem is that it is all relative - one person's definition of a slap may not be anothers.

Yes I agree with being reported and I told the teacher on the phone I slapped her I am not going to lie but I do not beat my kids never have and never will. I was smacked as a child and it did me no harm. Crystal.x

You have my every sympathy. As a single parent who went thru the nightmare of puberty combined with my menopause, I think it is amazing that we both survived to tell the tale! lol I could not believe how my angelic daughter turned into such a monster and dispaired of her ever changing. All my friends, who had known her since birth, virtually turned their backs on her, didnt want to know her because they were so horrified at how she treated me and behaved. I think the only reason I didnt result to physical punishment was because I was scared! lol And it probably would have hurt me a lot more as I have rhuematoid arthritis. That's not to say she never pushed me to my limits, because she did - and there is a hole in the living room door where I attacked it with a broom, rather than attack her! I can understand why you smacked her - the worry/stress/relief of not knowing where she was would end up in an explosion of some sort. How many of us have screamed/shouted and slapped a toddler who has run out into the road and nearly got killed? It's a heat of the moment thing and nothing to do with child cruelty.

it is illegal, sorry. the school wiill report you, they have to,its their responsibility. The child making the allegation MUST come first. Sorry , what ever your view on discipline, violece is not acceptable as a punishment. i guess your daughter has gone quiet, and she may well be afraid of what you'll do next - i'd hate to be in that situation with my children

Hi, You know what gets my back up the most is when you get the goverment telling you that you should control your kids and when you try you get told off for doing it. The whole system stinks. I didn't mean to slap her but she has been going off the rails for the last couple of months and I have tried everything, But I did say to her stop keep pushing me and she carried on and this is not the first time I have had to go looking for her the other end of town late at night. Crystal.x

I agree with what you did There are too many do gooders in the world at the moment that is why there is so much bad behaviour in the world I dont agree with beating a child but a slap never hurt me or mine Maureen x

I don't have children of my own, but I do have a 12 year old Step Son who is just reaching that delightful age of attitude. He knows that he cannot back chat and be disrespectful to his Dad (my Husband) and simply wouldn't dare do it - because he knows that a slap would follow. My Mother always used a smack as discipline when I was a child and I do not hold it against her at all - the occassions when she did slap me I had asked for it. I think there is a huge lack of discipline for children these days and many seem to have this 'untouchable' attitude. There is a huge difference between giving your child a slap and beating them and the school really should know better - I guess your daughter hammed it up a bit and they believed it? My Brother and Sister in Law are huge believers in smacking their children as a form of discipline (only if really necessary of course) and all their children (5 of which are still at home) are a pleasure to have and you can take them anywhere. Kaye x

My children are 4 and 2 - you can keep telling them off and keep threatening them that a treat will be taken away, but sometimes a slap on the bottom is whats needed. Don't get me wrong I'm not a child beater, I would never hurt my children on purpose. I hate being told what to do by someone hundreds of miles away in the European Parliament, perhaps they should try my job as a Full Time Mum and realise thats it not as easy as it looks.