General Chat

Jennifer I don't know your story, but I am sending you (((()))) The cost of loving someone is often the pain of losing them. You have children and grandchildren and you don't know what will happen to them. It's natural to feel morbid when you lose someone, particularly without warning. When my parents-in-law died within a short space of time I was terrified that my husband would die although neither in-law died of the same thing. Grief is totally irrational. But worrying and blaming yourself won't make you feel better and I am sure isn't going to do anything other than make you feel worse. Worrying changes absolutely nothing and most of what we worry about doesn't happen. Thinking about celebrating Stephen's life may make you feel better. nell

Jennifer, Please, please try and think your family back at the ages you all are now to 20 or 30 years ago. This horrid thing probably wasn't recognised then and you wouldn't have been delivered this blow by the coroner. Stephen's death would still had happened and devastated you, but you would have been free of this dreadful guilt which you are beating yourself with. It is NOT your fault - we none of us know what quirks of nature our bodies carry. Please be kinder to yourself. Try and rest tonight - thinking of you Jay

Sorry peeps sounding a bit morbid-going to try and sleep-day off tomorrow-thank you all for being there for me.

If Stephen died from SADS either I have it or I am a carrier-which is the worst? but trying to think of my kids still with me and also want to find a way or saying goodbye to Stephen, once the Coroner's report is over-we need to finalise this loss-if that is possible-but how??????

Will you take any comfort from the fact that you are not a carrier if your test proves negative? We're here to hold your hand, and will continue to do so, day and night for as long as you need us. Its not your fault! if its hereditory ,blame the peson that passed it to you, and they in turn can blame the person that gave it to them Stop blaming yourself, its not your fault Jess x

Right at this moment, after waiting for 25 weeks for an answer, I feel to blame, and thank you all who said not to blame myself, but what else can I do, I am so worried for my four kids and my five grandchildren-not bothered about me-but could never ever take another death like Stephen's. But I will try and be positive-thank goodness tomorrow is my day off-will go to ther doctor's and demand tests-thank you all for being here for me when i am feeling like life is not worth it.

Jennifer I am so sorry you have been given this shock, on top of what you were already going through at the loss of Stephen. My heart goes out to you. Please listen to comments from the other GR members above....you can't take any blame for something you have no knowledge OR control over. Try and wait for the test results , and get some help/support for the way you are feeling. In the meantime i send you heartfelt ((hugs)) Yvette xxxxx

When Mum researched our family tree she found that generations down her fathers line all died from heart trouble ............. so when she died of a heart attack at 56 who could I blame? Someone passed this on through you ......... do you blame them? As guilty as you feel it really can't be your fault! :-)))))))

hi jennifer. i lost my son to s.i.d 25 years ago. we just celebrated his birthday on the 3.9.06 i felt totally lost when he died at 14 weeks old. it is something that can not be helped or prevented. a tiny flower lent not given to bud on earth and bloom in heaven god bless you xx

Jennifer, you're in my thoughts. I don't know what else to say except that you will be in my prayers. Joyxx

Jennifer If this is Long QT syndrome, then your children and grandchildren can be treated with medication. Ask yourself this question - if you had KNOWN that you were a carrier, would you have chosen not to have children? If you answer yourself that you would not have had children -look what this would mean to you, you surely cannot wish away the lives of your remaining children and grandchildren. I can understand your grief (I think) but there is no cause for you to blame yourself in any way - do you blame your parents for having you? Or their parents for having them? No, of course not, because they did not know either, just as you didnt. I am so sorry for your loss and your grief. I have not lost an adult child, but lost several babies. I cannot imagine how much harder it is to cope with the death of an adult child. Be kind to yourself, your son would not have wanted your guilt. OC

It is hard to think it could happen again - God forbid

Jennifer - had you been tested before, and the outcome had been that you Were a carrier, would you really NOT have gone on and had your children?.If the answer to that is that you would ( because the joy outweighs the heatache), then please take solace in that. rejoice in the joy that you shared

Have sent you a PM Jennifer xx

Jennifer Don't beat yourself up how are any of us to know what we are carriers of. Your son wouldn't want you to feel like this, Take care hugs dawnie x

I am not so sure I am glad to have that as an answer - although that is what I expected - now my four surviing children my five grand children and myself must be tested - and if I do not have it I carried it - hard to take in..

Jennifer I don't know what your story is, but please do not beat yourself up over something which cannot possibly be your fault. How were you supposed to know, if indeed you ARE a carrier? I am so sorry for your loss. OC

Stop right there Jennifer, you are not to blame in any way for this, and nor would your son want you to. I am glad you have an answer now. (((((((HUGS)))))))

Hi Jennifer! I'll send you a pm. Margaret

Looks like my Stephen died from SADS - Sudden Adult death syndrome - and it is hereditary-so if I have not got it I am a carrier-makes me feel ....