General Chat

gerry and suz i think suz has summed it up for me.all cases are different,and its all down to that persons choice,be it mother or child.surely a mother should,nt be persecuted because she gave her child up.everyone is different.x

I also think it's very important that EVERY person involved in adoption is made fully aware of the Adoption Contact Register. Mandy

I think something very important has been raised - every case is different, and what is right for one person may not be right for another. Some very strong opinions are being given - clearly you're stating what was right for you - but that's YOUR case, and not every case is the same (I know, I'm repeating myself).

Has anybody taped this that would lend me the tape i will pay postage and return the tape if so can u pm me please. regards debs

Copy paste of one of my earlier posts: One of the birth mothers on the programme last night stated that her son had the right to know anything he wanted from her, but that she didn't have the same right from him. I thought that was lovely of her to recognise that fact.

mummy claus have just read back your reply earlier,i cant see a problem,i could understand what you said.and you have made a valid point.and based on that do you think that the mothers should have the same rights as the childx

I feel that this is an emotive issue and is probably exacerbated by the Christmas Season.

it was indeed a very heartfelt comment- and it did seem, that taking that attitude paved the way to what was, abeit a slower, but nevertheless worthwhile open exchange of communication between them. i think it showed that the B/m respected the boys feelings greatly. IF both parties (adoptee and B/parent) take the time and trouble to register with such as NORCAP, fine, let NORCAP bridge that gap, its adoptees that dont register that shouldnt be backed into that corner by anyone, however well meaning they are. reindeer, hristmas makes no difference to me whatsoever-I know where my B/m is, I havent even sent a card

Mandy That woman you quoted from the program was so right. However, its blooming difficult , or was, for us adoptees to get anything. And yes, every single case is different, from which ever angle you come at it. Each party has their reasons, fears and hopes which may have the opposite effect of the other parties. Gerry :-))

Gerry, have you managed to get hold of your adoption file, or are you having difficulty obtaining it? Mandy

Mandy Having hit my head against a brick wall fo so long with my adopted parents I gave up for a long time. I started to seriously look 2 years ago, after finding my adoption papers amongst my adopted parents' things. I found my Birth dad.(an ex German POW who stayed behind in England). he died in 1960 aged 39 so i was a bit late looking! LOL. It turned out he lived in the same town I used to visit as a child, so i may well have seen him and not known it. I also found out my birth mother married for a third time after my birth dad died. Thats as far as I have got. Which is a long way round of saying No i hae not even tried ot get my file. I doubt it could tell me anymore than what I have already found out for myself with the help of a wonderful lady by the name of Carol. Gerry :-))

Gerry - what it might be able to tell you is the circumstances surrounding the events- maybe it will tell you something you dont know, which would offer you some consolation for your feelings

Gerry No, seeing that you have names and details of your birth parents, I doubt your actual file would tell you anything more. It must be devastating to find that you're 'too late' in your search. I helped a man trace his birth family last year, only to discover that his birth mother had passed away several years previously. However, the story did have a happy ending because the rest of her family were thrilled to meet him, and her husband even took the son to visit her grave, which was a lovely gesture. I hope that you find closure, whether it be in finding your birth mother or not. Mandy Update: Just read Jess' and Suz's replies and they're probably right. My file didn't really have much additional information, although there was a lovely handwritten letter from my adoptive Dad to the adoption society saying how happy he and Mum were to have me :)

Jess, Suzz and Mandy Thank you for your kind and thoughtful replies. Having read them I am inclined to go looking just in case there is something form 50 years ago.!! LOL How the hell do i go about it? Gerry :-)) PS will be off air for a while so will not be ignoring you

How to do just about everything is detailed on the Norcap site http://www*adoptionsearchreunion*org...connections*pdf *= .

''...but these files give you a little about you, your mum, and early days with your adoptive parents'',<<lucky you Suz, mine contained a whole load of twaddle! and what wasn't twaddle was pure fabrication ( or downright lies!) The social workers reports were interesting though ( especially where she made a note to say that she basically she didnt believe a word!)

Suz, my file was like Jess' - full of lies! But I don't think we do wrong to try and find things out. I'm very much a 'need to know' person and although things didn't turn out as I'd hoped, I don't regret tracing my birth family. As a result, I have a good relationship with my half-brother, and I've discovered an aunt who was also adopted, and my birth uncle is in touch too. Mandy x

I wouldnt say it was a BAD experience - just took it at face value, read the reports and realised that B/M wasnt telling the truth. What she subsequently told me when i met her didn't even tally with what she said at the time of my birth either.That is one reason I always say to people to CATEGORICALLY CHECK everything - cross EVERY t and Dot EVERY i, and be sure you havent made a mistake somewhere. My B/m denied even having me ! She said she didnt know my birth fathers name- Hello! You had two daughters by him...6years apart...didn't you think to ask his name? ( good job the S/W thought to make a note of it then!)

Thanks guys! Gerry :-))

every adoption is diffrent and we all have our own views on our own adoption.i have very strong views on this subject but they are my personal views. my parents are the people who bought me up.my birth siblings had no choice but to be brought up with my b/parents which one would i choose.............i think its obvious to me bacardi xx