General Chat

I am not omnipotent and glad not to be so.

If I were omnipotent I would be in the underpants of every wino in creation but, on tthe plus side, I would also be in bed with George Clooney.

Who remembers God's school report in the Monty Python book?

http://friarminor.blogspot.co.uk/2009/09/monty-pythons-report-card-for-god.html

Monty Python's Report Card for God

Pupils Name: God

ENGLISH:
(11%) Poor, handwriting weak.

FRENCH :
(9%) Very poor.

GEOGRAPHY:
(30%) Suprisingly poor. His knowledge appears somewhat dated. Interesting ideas about rock formation; keeps going around going Kerpow!

BIOLOGY :
(28%) Weak, thinks he know it all. Constantly rude about Darwin

DIVINITY:
(14%) Poor, keeps disputing Biblical facts on the ground that he was "misquoted"

LATIN :
(100%) Quite the best student I've ever had

WOODWORK :
(87%) An excellent carpenter. Mary and I are still very fond of him

DOMESTIC SCIENCE
(54%) A useful little cook, the pillar of salt will come in handy for a long time.

ART
(62%) Very creative, however he does keep claiming to have created everything, including myself, Mr Vidler and the organist.

GAMES:
Will not row, hates games and once parted the waters of the swimming pool during a match against the old boys which was both unsporting and dangerous. He can still do press ups.

PROGRESS AND CONDUCT:
I am afraid that I am severely disappointed in God's work. All three of him have shown no tendency to improve and He merely sits at the back of the class talking to Himselves. He has shown no interest in rugger, asked to be excused prayers and moves in a mysterious way.
What is more his omniprescence is beginning to cause some embarrasment in big school, since he is continually out of bounds and at the same time always in matron's bed.

Finally, his attentions to the carpentry masters fiancee caused her to leave a term early and there are several nasty rumours flying around.

HOUSEMASTERS REMARKS:
I am very sorry to be losing God's ability and friendliness from the house. We will never forget how he made the Model Railway Club layout in six days! It seems unlikely that he will now get into Oxford or Cambridge but I could recommend Him for a job at Unilever.

I also get my words wrong.

I may be omnipotent, I just don't know about this but I don't think I am omnipresent.

I do pop up in too many places where I am not wanted but there are some places where I ain't.

Hmm reminds me of the chap that said all this:

Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones.
The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, or vice versa.


D R.........

ummmm!....What Bob said......if he exists that is.....he could still be a figment......not of my imagination though.....I don't have any......I am poor, I don't have anything barring invisible friends....at least I think they are invisible......can anyone see them?

Yeh.

Wasn't there a Sue that drunk Lambrini out of a bucket at one time?


wonder if there has been a metamorphosis?

;-)

Susan wiv wrote...........

I don't have anything barring invisible friends....at least I think they are invisible......can anyone see them?

wasn't there a Nicole Kidman film with that theme as a plot?

Was there?.....I don't remember that Bob.. What was it called?.....were you calling me Sue again?......*smacks Bob with a wet fish!*

OUCH!!!

picks wet fish scales out of lug 'ole,

no I saw Suemaid on the previous page........ ;-)