General Chat

Oh Chris that rings so true, after years (well 44) I finally had the courage one day to say to my mother why did you leave me, she didn't talk to me for a further 2 yrs, says it all.

Carol :-D

Hazel, what can i say that hasn't already been said .
So i'll send you some

(((((((((((((HUGS )))))))))))) :-D :-D
Hazelx

His father was only interested in himself, house keepers came and went ( unable to cope with his unwanted advances) in the two years between his mother dying and his father remarrying. When there was a housekeeper my husband and his sister were at home when there was no housekeeper they were IN a children's home. Perhaps his father thought a new wife would solve all his problems. But dispite everything my husband grew into a kind, thoughtful and loving man

What a dreadful thing to say to a small child. His father evidently hadn't researched her feelings very well.

My husbands mother died when he was seven. When he was nine his father remarried. The first time my husband met his new step mother was after her wedding to his father. Her first ever words to him were " let's get one thing straight from the start, I hate kids". This proved to be true.

My husband grew up to be a lovely person just as I am sure you are Hazel. Stay strong and focus on the present and the future. I wish you all the love in the world

Wendy x

Isn't there someone on GR who is good at digging up threads. Why was this deleted?
It is such a helpful thread and has been used regulalry.

Hazel, I too, could like write a book like others. However, it may give you an insight in that aged eleven I had adoption explained to me by my mother. I must have kept asking questions because she showed me my birth certificate.

I was disappointed I had hoped my 'real' Mummy was out there somewhere - not realising of course that that would mean that my Daddy then would not be my real Daddy.

There was only love and laughter in our home when Daddy was home from sea. It was only when I was sixty that I had the guts to stand up to her once and for all and never regretted it.

As others have said, talk it out, write it down and then go on to be happy.

All best wishes for your health and happiness Hazel, may you find peace and tranquility.


Jo <3

Actually Hazel,I think I would become very familiar with it,re-read it until you become bored with it and it takes on the importance to you that it really has,which,in reality,is very little. Leave it about until it doesn't threaten you any more.

If you poke it away in your mind it will grow.

You went to approved school and I was expelled from school for bad behaviour which I now see as a cry for help coping with a situation I didn't understand.

In fact I never really did understand it until I read that article.

well, it never occurred to me that "narcissistic" could be applied to my mother. yet on reflection, as far as in knew, her family were reasonably wealthy, and educated , but they were estranged from them, why I don't know. maybe because they too thought he wasn't good enough for her? yet she married my father who was a down to earth welsh man. come to think of it, she always aspired to middle/upper class, the same as her favourite daughter. yet my dad, myself and younger sister were bog standard. accounts for a lot .even when my mother was killed,favourite sister who was there at the time didn't inform the police that I existed ! wow, I was warned that my file could implode on me. time to lock it away in a hidden compartment of my mind!

Hazel,I have not yet read all of your thread but it does look so familiar.

The Narcissistic Mothers thread has disappeared but I can suggest a way to find the article cited.

Type " everything she does is deniable " into your search box. There is an article which some person I think of as a deity has written articulating all the things we who have been there could not.

Also there is a site called "Children Have Rights In Society". some of which is a bit salacious but there is a bit about narcissism at the bottom of the section on self-healing.

Please read these. You will feel as if you have been disembowelled when you have but it is truly worthwhile.

Happy Holidays Hazel :-D

my goodness,
such wonderful and uplifting expressions from all on these boards, just what I needed at the moment.
reading and inwardly attempting to digest my file from 50 years ago, did implode on me, but after reading and re-reading others heartfelt messages had brought me back to my general state of balance and understanding.
one day I will either ritually burn "the file", or simply put it away and forget about it completely.
thank you all.

Hazel, I am sad for you that you had to read the words that confirmed your knowledge and feelings on not being wanted. It must have cut deep and I hope you won't let this push you backwards from the strong person you have become. It's lovely that you had a strong bond with your sister, I hope you can support each other still and know that it was your parents' loss - you were not at fault and it was obviously something to do with your mother's childhood that stopped her being able to love fairly and generously.

Try not to brood on the contents of the file, but continue to plough your own furrow and talk to us on here if you need a friendly ear.

Have a nice Christmas, onwards and upwards in 2013

Lizxx

Hazel,
That must have been a shock, reading it in black and white - but you're your own person now.
As others' have said - it was your mother's problem. You were the innocent victim of what can only be described as a selfish woman.

Take care <3

If I comment on a thread like this, it is because it has moved me and I was very sincere in the comments I made to Hazel on the first page. Of course I am not supporting her mother. Of course I do not have any personal knowledge of the pain those notes have caused. And I think it is wonderful Hazel is doing her best to get on with life and make a success.

But it is surely a natural human emotion to feel sympathy. And I regret once again I have caused grief. It definitely was not my intention. I was hoping to add my little word of support and just sometimes you can say the right thing that someone wants to hear.

I know of a third sister that hated the fourth sister because she was no longer the " apple of her dads eye"

Bob

Sue, sorry,but I am angry, I will ignore :-D

Carol

Please don't allow this to become a "John" thread - ignore.

My very best wishes to you Hazel.

John - consider looking after your own before you interfere on threads like this so insincerely (as usual) :-| :-| :-|

Happy Xmas Hazel.......... :-D

Stay intouch on this thread and you will have support.