General Chat

The term Absent father was used a lot by the CSA as a term for the father no longer living in the family unit. Hubby was termed as such, even though he wasn't absent at all. He saw his daughter on a regular basis & paid maintenance alongside buying uniform, shoes, extras. Then was crippled for more. :-| :-(

lol Holly chill - merely a thread to remember people who may be struggling a little right now

Ooops!! sorry...........i obviously misunderstood and thought it was up for discussion. :-(

I don't understand why it is distasteful? It is an issue affecting many thousands of people.

Rose well said because the majority of marriage or relationship breakdowns are due to infidelity and, as you say, on both parts in many cases. Although I guess the question has to be asked, what prompts one or other to be "tempted" in the first place. As far as "having care" is concerned that is a tricky one because whichever parent has care, of course they are going to influence the child. However, As I said, this thread is purely about thinking about those dads who may feel very lonely on Fathers' Day for whatever reason - we are not here to judge and they are still fathers

Every child should have the right to choose whether or not they see their 'absent' (for want of better word) parent but sometimes they are coerced by the other parent into saying no contact, due to the other parent's spiteful or dishonest influence. It's very sad especially if at some point the 'absent' parent was in the child's life.

My son's father has had the chance to be more involved but met a woman who persuaded him to distance himself (already abroad so not a close relationship but one that was strong and loving in my son's younger years). Now my son is an adult he can see for himself how things were, but knows I did my best to encourage contact and interest. It makes him see how weak his father was at the time and how much he is under the thumb.

My son still makes contact with the son of his ex girlfriend, they have been apart for six years but my son still spends time with the lad and he knows my son is there for him if he wants him. Only the other day they spent a few hours together and renewed the bond. Makes me proud of my lad, he could have walked away from the child when he and his girl split (her choice, she met someone with more money) and it's not my son's blood relative, just someone he helped care for over the four years or so they were together.

Good luck to all fathers fighting to see their children when denied for unfair reasons.

Lizx

agree with rosie, and i find this thread a little distastful considering......

i thought it was a debate
and i am always on the childrens side

Yes Errol but im sure your Daughter is old enough to make up her own mind . My dad left my mum when i was 11 and i disliked him and never wanted to see him . He turned our lives upside down my mum had to struggle big time and i could never forgive him for that . But when i got to about 15 i missed him and started seeing him , glad i did coz we ended up having a lovely relationship ... but not seeing him was my decision coz he ruined my life , everything went tits up .

Joy and Ann I agree wholeheartedly. Sadly sometimes the partner that perceives they have been wronged goes on to say awful things which will then affect that child for many years. Sometimes it is spite and sometimes it is pure stupidity I guess.
However, the point of this thread was not to discuss the rights or wrongs but to say hello to the fathers that are often forgotten when it comes to Fathers' Day and to acknowledge that just maybe they are hurting a little.

I think it is so often the case that infidelity has come into the equation, and then it may be very difficult to see the man as still a good father when he has not been a 'good husband' ( works the other way too of course!).

And again when the parent with care has rebuilt a life, there may be a new partner who to all intents and purposes takes on the role, especially if the child is young it may be that it seems the least disruptive option...not saying that is right, but the parent with care might take that course for all good reasons.

I think it is terrible when it is done out of spite, to poison a child's mind against the absent parent (Father or Mother and I have a female friend to whom it happened some years ago) is very wrong.

maybe the fathers or mothers should think how their actions
effect their kids before they do things
nothing worse than a parent causing embarrassment or shame to a child

yes Lairy I agree with what you are saying but very often one parent or the other denies access to the former partner even when they are an actual blood parent - often it is done out of spite

I would ask why someone is not allowed to see their children .. i couldnt imagine my kids not seeing their dad .. there would have to be a good reason for it .. But i would leave the decision to them it would be their choice
:o)

Yes very much so and Mildred I agree mostly but disagree with the term absent - I think it is sometimes used in quite a derogatory way - a great example being Cameron not so many months ago(!) - however I think there are many fathers who are deemed "absent" but only because they arte denied access. The point of the thread was to remember such individuals, fathers, doting dads, who would dearly love to see their children.
But anyway, Mildred, well said

somtimes children arent used as weapons they just make there own minds up

better to have one good parent than two at war :-D :-D

It is very sad indeed.

Sometimes......the parents forget that are supposed to love their children more than hate each other!! :-(

children should not be used as weapons