General Chat

Yes Errol but im sure your Daughter is old enough to make up her own mind . My dad left my mum when i was 11 and i disliked him and never wanted to see him . He turned our lives upside down my mum had to struggle big time and i could never forgive him for that . But when i got to about 15 i missed him and started seeing him , glad i did coz we ended up having a lovely relationship ... but not seeing him was my decision coz he ruined my life , everything went tits up .

i thought it was a debate
and i am always on the childrens side

agree with rosie, and i find this thread a little distastful considering......

Every child should have the right to choose whether or not they see their 'absent' (for want of better word) parent but sometimes they are coerced by the other parent into saying no contact, due to the other parent's spiteful or dishonest influence. It's very sad especially if at some point the 'absent' parent was in the child's life.

My son's father has had the chance to be more involved but met a woman who persuaded him to distance himself (already abroad so not a close relationship but one that was strong and loving in my son's younger years). Now my son is an adult he can see for himself how things were, but knows I did my best to encourage contact and interest. It makes him see how weak his father was at the time and how much he is under the thumb.

My son still makes contact with the son of his ex girlfriend, they have been apart for six years but my son still spends time with the lad and he knows my son is there for him if he wants him. Only the other day they spent a few hours together and renewed the bond. Makes me proud of my lad, he could have walked away from the child when he and his girl split (her choice, she met someone with more money) and it's not my son's blood relative, just someone he helped care for over the four years or so they were together.

Good luck to all fathers fighting to see their children when denied for unfair reasons.

Lizx

Rose well said because the majority of marriage or relationship breakdowns are due to infidelity and, as you say, on both parts in many cases. Although I guess the question has to be asked, what prompts one or other to be "tempted" in the first place. As far as "having care" is concerned that is a tricky one because whichever parent has care, of course they are going to influence the child. However, As I said, this thread is purely about thinking about those dads who may feel very lonely on Fathers' Day for whatever reason - we are not here to judge and they are still fathers

I don't understand why it is distasteful? It is an issue affecting many thousands of people.

Ooops!! sorry...........i obviously misunderstood and thought it was up for discussion. :-(

lol Holly chill - merely a thread to remember people who may be struggling a little right now

The term Absent father was used a lot by the CSA as a term for the father no longer living in the family unit. Hubby was termed as such, even though he wasn't absent at all. He saw his daughter on a regular basis & paid maintenance alongside buying uniform, shoes, extras. Then was crippled for more. :-| :-(

Errol to be honest . you did doo a big boo boo and hurt her mum , so there is ya answer . The mum dont have to put things in the childs head , the child aint blind and can see the hurt caused , maybe in time she will see what and why but until then (if ever) just keep trying ... But sometimes when you hurt a daughters mum you can not be forgiven easily

um, Lairy, how do you know what age my daughter is and whether I even have a daughter? Scary lol
Mildred - a very valid point

Lairy what on earth are you basing that on?

ummmmmmmm perhaps coz i know who you are lol

I think blame is very difficult to apportion in any failed relationship ( and God knows I should know lolol). One of the strongest relationships I ever witnessed and thought was a certainty to last for ever and a day, was in tatters a couple of years later, people change, or DON'T change. No one outside the couple can really know what the factors really were in a breakup.

I will be thinking of two gentlemen this father's day, one who doesn't see his children but loves them to bits, and my heart bleeds for him.

sorry Lairy please accept my apologies - I did not realise we had met.
Now, to get back to the original topic and not get bogged down by people who are happy to make wild assumptions about people they have never met... can we please remember those fathers who do not see their children but do care

well to all the absent fathers out there .. try harder
toodles i need me bed :)

please, I do not want any nastiness on this thread - it really is just about remembering dads - nothing more nothing less

I dont understand whats going on but heyho whats new lol

hey Mersey
Just wanted a thread that remembered dads
:]

Sometimes fathers aren't allowed contact with their children because the children's safety is paramount.

Not all fathers are good fathers.