General Chat

What’s happened? The place is dead! No arguments, no debates and hardly a single ailment! What’s up?

I’ve been away in the med on a luxury cruise for a couple of weeks. I knew it was a mistake when I got on the transfer coach at the airport. When I looked around the bus, I thought I’d mistakenly got on to a day trip to Lourdes. I reckon I lowered the average age to 85. But, they were nice sweet kind people, when you could hold a conversation over the whistle of hearing aids and the rattle of walking sticks.

Never mind, on boarding the ship it was obvious that it was a vintage converted North Sea collier. Most of the coal dust had been removed and some paint had been thrown about, but it was ok for us experienced sailors. On setting sail into a sea with barely a ripple on it, the thing was thrown about like a rowing boat in a hurricane. Consequently, going to the bar meant running the gauntlet of vomiting pensioners with the added danger of skidding on regurgitated dentures. What fun.

Sleep was out of the question – every time this rust bucket hit a ripple a loud crash followed by several seconds of juddering reverberated down the entire vessel, accompanied by the agonized chorus of retching and groans from behind every cabin door. I managed to find an old Philippine chief stoker and 2 stowaways who knew how to play 3 card brag and we whiled the long nights away in the deserted bar losing huge sums of money to each other and drinking ourselves to a couple of short hours of fitful sleep before the dawn broke.

The plus side was that I had the bar mostly to myself and was able to give the Chas and Dave solo tribute act my full attention. He kept standing up to leave but I kept applauding and he had to sit down and do another chorus of Rabbit. In the end I relented and let him into the card school. Mealtimes were interesting – watching the other passengers trying to negotiate the rolling deck was fun. The stowaways and I were putting bets on who would make it back with a full cup of tea whilst not wearing their meatballs in tomato sauce on their cardigan.

I was impressed, however, at the sheer perseverance of those who went and sat round the pool with their umbrellas up every morning, just so they could get the two for one cocktail of the day offer with a follow up half price jug of sangria. I went into the pool once when we were actually sailing – it was like being on a full wash/spin cycle.

So all in all, good fun and look forward to doing it again. Hahahahaha somehow I don’t think so.

I love you Eldrick <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Ooh, a romance on the boards :-D

I've got time for a five minute argument but if you want the full half hour you'll have to come back tomorrow. I could throw in a couple of ailments too. I don't do debates because I'm always right.

Thankyou Eldrick.

That gave me such a good larf!! :-D :-D :-D

If Annie hasn't got time, I could give you a detailed description of my awful cold. I am sure you would be really interested - wouldn't you?

Yes, fascinated. I have a one at the moment - well, its actually malariosis, but being male I will downplay it. I think I caught it when I dived into the hot tub to save an old woman who was having a fit. Turned out she was just trying to put her flip flops on whilst still in the water, but how was I to know that. Anyway, I am running a high temperature, have a wracking cough, streaming nose and eyes, covered in boils, my hair has fallen out and my big toe aches.

Nasty, if your hair has fallen out, you need a new picture on your avatar.

You are unique, I have never known a male downplay an illness before

It will grow back, as long as I can drink some of the Rev Smiths tonic.

See, you are stereotyping. I always understate things just in case anyone feels that they have to offer up sympathy or positive thoughts or god forbid, prayers. Or worse still, feel that they need to come and look after me. No, I always play it down.

I'll have to go now, I'm feeling very weak and faint and one of my eyes popped out in the last coughing fit. No, it's fine, I'll manage. Don't worry.

Don't worry, I won't worry :-D

glad you enjoyed it,,,,,,knew it would be worth the money....... :-D :-D :-D,


hot tub,,,,,,,wasnt that a wooden barrel filled from the used shower water,,,,,,,no wonder you have the lergy.and no hair.:))good job its not your knees now that would be mean horrendous tidal downpour,)

now this big toe dont you use it as a weather forecast like normal people do !!.....rain is on the way.


;-) ;-) ;-)

Now I know a little about this 'on board ship' parliance. Was that the Apple Barrel you were in there, Eldrick.
Well you do surprise me there. I always thought you were a straight up sort of guy.
You learn something new every day. I did not think you were that way inclined Eldrick.
Did you happen to meet up with any Bandits whilst on the High Seas.LOLOL

Julia in Derbyshire

Eldrick.....I have just deposited my lunch come brunch come early supper all over my lappy......do you have to be so funny! :-D

I think I have been on the same cruise and ship are the port holes bifocals?

Where is my present? What did you buy me?

I was trumatised yesterday someone was very rude to me... :-(

Yes, so they were, Hayley.

Julia in Derbyshire

Uncalled for wasnt it Julia but heyho another day ..hope you are well Julia :-D

Now now Julia, far be it from me to take any old pensioner to look for the golden rivet.

Port holes? Port holes? This thing was more like a submarine than a ship, no flippin' luxuries like port holes. I bought you a very tasteful and expensive diamond studded watch from a little boy that was swimming round the ship when we were in port in Gdansk. At least thats where it felt like.

Someone was rude to you? Just one? Wasn't such a bad day then I suppose.

THINK YOU SHOULD WATCH OUT FOR THAT BIG TOE
ALL THAT POSH LIVING,,,,,,,AND A ACHING BIG TOE

HEADS FOR THE DRUID REMADY SCROLLS ,,,, NOW
WHAT WAS IT CALLED
I KNOW
GOUT

Well Eldrick you get what you pay for .......of course I have proper luxury cruises theses day ;-) dont fancy the med in April :-(

Yes, Im going to have a luxury cruise on the Manchester ship canal as well.

Last time I go to the Med anytime, never mind April.