General Chat

Penny maybe he has lived with a haorder in his past life?


Spot on Kay, its not without saying, non suffers are more of less being asked accept the situation, don’t try and help us/me., just show more empathy or sympathy and leaves us to continue making a health/fire hazard, we are happy!

There is medication available also for OCD. As for your friend Liz who had her precious coffee jars confiscated, surely with a new baby to care for, she had more on her mind than to mourn a set of used coffee jars, I would thought so but just my opinion.

Up until 3 or 4 years ago, my loft was half-full with many of my grown-up children's toys, which had all been carefully cleaned and put away. Most of them are now downstairs for my granddaughter and grandson to play with and they love them. My friends come in and wax lyrical over these retro, well-made toys and I'm pleased my little grandchildren are getting as much pleasure out of them as my children once did. Well worth the hoard. :-D

I think thats a different kind of hoarding Wend, ;-) we all save bits and pieces (even I have some of my childrens stuff safely tucked away) we are talking about people that collect /haord ueseless stuff rubbish, books news papers empty milk cartons anything till their homes or sometimes sheds garages any available space becomes packed to the ceiling or any available space is just filled.

Yeah, Hayley - but you haven't seen the rest of the loft!!!

Btw - you are coming down to give me some life coaching, aren't you? :-D

Sorry, I'm being rather flippant. I missed the prog, but meant to watch it. I know it is a really serious problem for some people.

Only if I am in charge ;-) if it doesnt have a use or hasnt been used for a month its out !!!! :-D

But that's not the same, wend. I also hoard stuff as you do, but not in the same way as a person with ocd. Mind you, I always say there is only a fine line between liking your house to be normally clean, or an obsession for cleaning.

. . . . but, but, but - what about the 75 pairs of shoes I've got cluttering up a cupboard unworn. I keep thinking about having my bunions 'done' and then I might be able to wear them. AND - what about the clothes hanging in every available cupboard that might, one day, fit me again - you just never know! I'm a serious hoarder of boxes, actually, all shapes and sizes - what does that say about me.? When I cleared out my late dad's house, I found so many empty boxes, it was unbelievable. Must be in the genes, I think.

I have a very nice fireman who does odd jobs for me, now and again, on his days off ;-) and he just *sighs* whenever he looks in my loft, shakes his head and says 'blimey, that's a real fire risk in there'!

see told you so *sighs *

A passion for collecting something isnt an obsession that carries a deep emotional upheaval like a hoarder,,,,,,,a hoader will hoard over many years even when it has no useful use to them or anyone else now or the near future,,,they attatch emotions to things and get distraught at the thought of disgarding it to the point its like someone has just died be it a empty coke can to a carton of pee, or worse,they will go into a deep state of shock and actually mourn at the loss......move in and get the stuff dumped then deal with the emotions after when there is nothing left for them to want to hold onto,

I do wonder how they would react if they were booked into an hotel or b+b and it was stuffed to the hilt with dump stuff.....demand their cash back and say what filth. :-D :-D

Oo-er - don't think I've got any cartons of pee stashed in my loft, so that's a plus in my favour, isn't it 'Holy One' :-P :-)

I laugh about it myself somedays and as the chap in the programme said, he realised it was not practical or sensible but couldn't find a way to deal with the problem because of the emotional side of it. I am not sure emotional is the right word but there is something telling you that this might be useful or that is worth holding on to. There are varying sorts of hoarding, like the newspapers etc for the information they hold and you want to keep handy for instance.

I have been told by an eminent professor who works with ocd sufferers that most hoarders are highly intelligent people and it's a sort of quirk of the mind that causes the problem. Not sure if it's the same as with the cleaning etc or constant handwashing, as that is linked to anxiety of a high degree that by not being ultra clean, harm might come to a loved one and the risk isn't worth taking so these people scrub their hands red raw or clean their homes with strong bleach every day or more often.

Just be thankful if you haven't got such a degree of ocd, but as I and someone else said, everyone has it to some degree, just now and then it manifests itself to an out of control state due to some trauma or such.

Lizx

Mum isn't a hoader :-P she just doesn't like shopping. "Mum wouldn't you like a new blouse for Christmas" " no thanks, this 1960 one is fine.
I try and give my clothes to the Salvation Army and Mum ends up wearing it! As long as it doesn't have too many holes in, she'll wear it, even it has holes in she'll wear it. She blames it on the war. :-( She has a lot of stuff like that, that can be blamed on the war.

I watched part of a program like the one your talking about and it was really sad. :-(

My need to hang on to things now has a more practical application, I hate waste, so prefer to use things up, or give to someone else who can use it, or recycle. My main hoard is craft stuff.

Well what a wonderful and varied set of responses. Sorry I'm not with you Kay on the do it to be cruel to be kind. Sound a little too much like the experience my son had at school. His teachers and the SENCO decided that they didn't like his autism and made it their mission to 'cure' him. The treatment they handed out to him left him traumatised and unable to continue in a school situation.

It is sad that some people believe that help comes from bullying and humiliation. The seriously ill hoarders know that their situation is bad and there in lies a vicious circle. The worse the situation gets, the more they hoard so the worse it gets, etc, etc, etc. Like an alcoholic, they have to want to stop and they need help but it must be the right kind of help. I've watched Hoarders on cable and been shocked at how dreadful those houses are. Thankfully I do throw things away. I feel no emotional attachment towards an empty carton of milk. But there but for the grace of .......... I have no idea why I can find value in keeping one item but not another. But I do believe in recovery. I had no love from my family so I subsituted it with inanimate objects who never abused or terrified me. Even 25 years of marriage never stopped my sister and parents making my life hell. Now I barely communicate with my sibling and thankfully (for me) my parents both died in 2010.

Every day the fog lifts just a little bit more. I am emotionally stronger every single day. I am coming to terms with what I have faced in my time. I am now, very slowly getting rid of stuff. It isn't easy. Part of my desire/ability to do it comes from having to clear out two houses inside of a year. All the stuff I have some sort of sentimental attachment to does not have the same attachment for my kids. I still have my collections of glass and china and books and music but they are just that, collections. All the other uneccessary stuff is heading out of the door; slowly but it is going. I wonder if I had had people in my life that I could have passed/shared things with and got pleasure in sharing I could have been a little more 'ordinary'.

Rambling Rose, that book was a Yogi Bear book. I remember the snow in the picutres and at the end of the story, Yogi and Boo Boo escaped from the ranger. They were on skis and sailing through the air waving and shouting "And a Merry Christmas to you Mr Ranger Sir". I only have vague fleeting images of teddy bears and dolls but I do remember one of those big tin spinning tops where you pumped the central handle and it spun so fast it hummed very loudly. I think it had either circus scenes or zoo scenes on it.

Grannyfranny. I have so much craft stuff if it's ridiculous. The female parent had a thing about shoes. My daughter will confirm that I hate going into shoe shops which I was forced to do. It's like I say to her. You can only wear one pear of shoes at a time, but you can never have too much craft stuff.

I hope everyone has a peaceful and tidy - ish Christmas.

xxJ

I tend to keep things which are useful,if a telly or other thing goes pear shaped, I take it to pieces and reuse the screwsetc,save a lot of time and cash,(If you want just a couple of screws etc from a DIY.store you have to buy a pack ) what makes me smile is people have garages fill them with utter junk and park their £20/30 thousand, cars outside on the drive. :-) :-) :-) :-S :-D

Sorry Gillian but its a damed site more stressful humiliating embarresing and hurtful for the family of a compulsive hoarder,they have no idea what emotional stresses they go though as the hoarder is so wrapped up in their own state,,,,,,families of hoarders are scarred for life,,,,,,,,they never want to bring anyone home,they often go live miles away so they dont face it,they make all kinds of excuses not to visit, and very reluctant if they have any children visit........,and they are more often than not left with clearing the cr*** away when something dreadful happens so of course it has a dramatic effect on them for life.


Thats a birds eye view from the other side.

so to try and coax a hoarder to cast out all the useless rubbish they squirrel away turns in to,,,one for the bin and two for me to hang on to till a later date *then I might * throw it,,,,,,,,if its not done in a quick swift way then it wont be worth while and its still giving the hoarder reason to add.

and a complusive adult hoarder cant ever be compared to a child with autism,,,, ever..

Hi Gillian as I mentioned in my earlier post with regards addressing the problem your last post indicates to me you are doing just that.

The objects like glass and china sound like some you have collected over a number of years, you also say you are slowing coming to terms and getting rid of some that you know and understand are of no use and never will be, again to me this appears you are address the problem.

When annoys me is like anyone with an addiction either it is alcohol or drugs the lengths people will go to lie about it, they invent a life style or a situation to that justifys their addiction or what really gets my goat is because I refuse to believe there isnt away the hoarder can begin to address the problem like you have done Gillian then I am the bad one...like I care :-)

I do wish you well Gillian and I do hope your 2012 becomes clutter free or less stressful.

@ RMS, I did laugh when I read your post as it reminded me in some way of my own mum, like many of her gen, she detests waste, she doesnt hoard the oppiste infact, food I have never ever know my mum to refuse food, no matter how much she has eaten already and she cant bare to see anything thrown away, such as furniture or carpets " I'll have it" she will get rid of what ever she is replacing, and clothes, she will only accept second clothes off people she knows and in her own words " spotlessy clean" * both hands circle her body from shoulders over chest" and she is forever buying clothes but she does disposte of them as well, hopefully to be recycled. Like your mum I do agree it must be something to do with the war . :-D

Hayley you've prompted a memory. The male parent who was a very nasty piece of work and who became even worse in his last years refused to allow the female parent to exist on anything more than subsistance rations. Even just four years ago their food spend was about £29 a week. In the female parent's last months after her first stroke, she was permitted two cups of tea a day if she was lucky and a couple of cups of water. He permitted her to have a dish of Redibrek made with water and a little milk. If she was lucky in the afternoon she had a couple of sandwiches. I tried to make things different but it never made a difference. My sister tried to persuade him to clear out all the outdated stuff from the pantry but he refused saying that during the war nothing was allowed to be wasted. The carrots in the veg rack had been bought weeks before and were totally wizzened and the ketchup in the cupboard was six years out of date. He complained to me one day that he was feeling unwell. I suggested that he check the dates on the eggs he was using. He did and you do not want to know how outdated they were. After his death, the pantry and the fridge were cleared out. There wasn't that much to begin with but there was almost nothing in date. When my sister saw him some time before his death he told her to do him a sandwich. The bread in the bread bin was green but he told her to simply cut the green away. When she and bil stayed over at Christmas she took food enough for a nice meal on Christmas night after visiting the female parent in hospital. Whilst he was more than happy to eat when they had brought with them after the customary list of complaints as to why the meal was defective in some way, when it came to breakfast and lunch the next day, he refused totally to allow them to eat anything of his.

When I had to clear out their house after they died, I found maybe a thousand or more receipts including several years worth of Morrisons till receipts. There were files upon files of copies of letters of complaint that he had sent to every utility company or business he had ever dealt with. Advertising leaflets/fliers/booklets were filed with their date of receipt written on the envelope. The list of the rubbish he kept was endless. But ashamed of his family and his grandson to the end, he had dumped the card made especially for him by his grandson and also in the bin were all the cards to him and the female parent from us and my sister that the female parent had obviously kept. On every single one he had cut out our names.

So you see the hoarding could definately be genetic. Thankfully the nastiness and spiteful nature isn't. Or as we say in our house' It's a wonder I'm as normal as I am' ;-)

Hope everyone is enjoying Christmas Eve.

xJ