General Chat

would imagine it was something quite trivial in reality but blown right out of proportion

I really dont see why a reason should be speculated on. Any person who is in the dark place that they think that the only way is for them to go isnt in a state that reason can be attributed.
Unless anyone has been there then no comprehension is really understood.

Any discussion as to why Gary decided to do what he did is to me irrelevant and not my business.

I haven't been there thank goodness but I have family members who have reached despair and contemplated !!

Ann and others are spot on in what they say.

I must commend you Suzanne in seeking enlightenment, many don't and just trot out the old cliches and generalisations about all sorts of things without any thought at all.

There can be a multitude of reasons why these things happen and it isn't wise to speculate. I doubt there is much rational thought or 'choosing' in this state of distress, just an overwhelming need for there to be an end to it. I think it must take a lot of courage/desperation to actually do it. Not everyone is able to talk to someone about their troubles.......shame, guilt, failure, being a burden, all sorts of reasons.

Just a sad tragedy for him as well as his family and friends.

I think it is wrong to speculate or condemn when anyone ends their life in this way, and I agree totally with what AnnCardiff had to say on the matter.

I have known two suicides. Niether could be regarded as an act of selfishness. My aunt took an overdose in her late fifties. She had become housebound due to a painful medical condition, and this led to deep depression over many years. She left a letter to her husband and children, begging forgiveness. Though devastated, they understood and did not blame her for leaving them.
The other was the tragic suicide of a 14 yr old boy, whose wretched home life led him to do what he did.

In both cases, the reasons why were understood by those that knew them. In the case of Gary Speed, nobody, as far as we know, understands why he chose to take his life. We can only know that whatever the reason, the man must have been in the depths of despair.

In any case, it really is wrong to speculate or condemn, waiting as some are, for a scandal to break.

The bottom line is that a man has lost his life, and our thoughts must be with his family, and friends.

RIP Gary Speed

Tec.

Personally, I would rather this tragic matter were not discussed here; at the inquest, the coroner asked the media to respect the privacy of Mr Speed's family and this they seem to be doing.

I agree with you 100% Ann.

How can suicide be a selfish act when the person has acted while the brain is disturbed.They are in a deep dark place and cannot be responsible for their actions.In my family we've had loved ones there and have not ever 'blamed them' as we know they loved us.

Let's not speculate why Gary Speed died as he did,the inquest might tell us..or indeed never!
His wife has asked Newcastle United to postpone their memorial for Gary at St.James Park till the end of this month so she can attend with the family.

My heart goes out to her and the family
Mau XX

I always feel that when our time has come to leave this earthly coil it will happen no matter what our logic tries to make of it.-jl

Ann I was well versed in this as closest and oldest friend was a mental health social worker - she also worked in a hospital in Cardiff in mid eighties.

how true Chris - always been a bugbear of mine

I worked at our local psychiatric hospital for nigh on thirty years - we had an excellent accountant and were in a very healthy financial position

We then went trust with the University Hospital of Wales - a general hospital - they were deep in financial troiuble - they took all our money off us and now the whiole trust is deep in debt - apparently you can't order as much as paper clip these days without a hoo ha - staff are stretched to the limit - when a domestic leaves they are not replaced

In the health service itself - the mental health is always bottom of the heap on receiving money etc.

As a retired psychiatric nurse have seen the torment that people
suffer when unable to cope. I worked in the community for years
and only one of my patients committed suicide, didn't see it coming
nor did anyone else.
I agree with Ann, sympathy with an ailment you can see, very little
compassion for anyone with a mental health problem. It's the pull
yourself together attitude that annoys me, if it were that easy.

Emma x

statistics say that one in four of us will suffer some form of mental illness in our lives - that's a very large proportion

l agree totally with Ann.

My grandfather committed suicide aged 52yrs, he suffered with depression and possibly bipola. We think his death had something to do with his art work and how he was never confident or aware about his amazing talents, simular to me in that l have no confidence, but l am also lazy! l suffer with depression, my 3 sisters also and my son. You need to have suffered depression to understand.

l have had 2 break downs and am on tablets for the rest of my life. l'm not nor never have felt suicidal, but when bad wondered why l was here!!

jude x

PS..edited

Agree totally with Ann.

We are all 'selfish' beings, to some degree or another. We enter the world alone, and exit it alone, if someone chooses to do this by suicide, that is their decision, whether through desperation, illness, grief or anything else. My grandfather committed suicide (I never knew him) and this must have had a terrible effect on the family, but I think my parents, from what little they said about it, understood his reasons.

I agree with a lot of what Ann says re mental illness.

another point to highlight the problem with people not understanding mental illness - if you were in a conversation with someone and they said they had say broken a leg, found a tumour or had to go for dialysis everyone would be instantly sympathetic - however, if someone volunteered the fact that they had attempted suicide the reaction would be totally different - usually a conversation stopper because no one would know what to say next

the brain is just another part of the body - albeit a very complex part - so why is it that people don't accept a malfunction of the brain in the same way as a malfunction of other body parts?

Helen - do not make judgements on people who commit suicide please - you have no idea what you are talking about - they are not selfish - they are tormented and I speak as someone who attempted suicide in 1996.

I then discovered I suffer from clinical depression and I would imagine it is 99% sure that Gary Speed did too! somone suffering from CD will always keep a happy face and a pleasant demeanour - life and soul of the party me - but underneath there is turmoil, usually a problem blown right out of proportion. They can see no way out and the only solution is to opt out completely.

At the time I was actually working in a psychiatric hspital with a highly qualified psychiatric sernior nurse as my immediate boss - he had no idea what I was going though

Until there is a better understanding of mental illness people will continue to make rash statements such as yours

with medication which I will have to take for the rest of my life - my GP says that's no problem - I am one very happy bunny indeed and I even weathered the death of my lovely husand with no mishaps

I don't wish to upset anyone here - just try to educate people and I can understand why people jump to the "selfish" attitude

Such a sad waste of life and his wife and family must be in bits. It must be horrible to be so deep in that very dark place this is the only way out..

My heart goes out to anyone that suffers that god awful illness depression.

The papers are very quiet l must admit, but l think they have been asked to leave Gary's family to greave, maybe for once they have done as asked.
What with all the phone hacking inquiries going on and will be going on for some time, maybe they don't dare do otherwise....maybe!!!

Maybe to us as outsiders it would seem that there is more for his family to endure, that he could'nt cope with!!
Depression is a very deep illness for some people to have (does that make sense?), others its not as bad and medication helps, others it can make you do things you never thought possible to even think of!!

We will have to wait for the inquiry in a years time when all the evidence/fact are put together.

RIP Garry


jude

I don't want to speculate on something I have no knowledge of. However, it is such a tragedy, my thoughts are with family and friends.