General Chat

A collaboration ... Jac started off....
"
The Dairy, it was dank and dirty
In came Doris, Milkmaid flirty!

She hummed a little bitty song
the end of which was "cows do pong""

But Doris to the challenge rose
and placed a peg upon her nose
" though girt big beasts give me the shudders
come on girls let's have your udders! "
And placing down her metal pail
young Doris starts the Milkmaids tale"

Now Doris's mum was Ethel, her dad was known as Fred
Doris never knew her papa, cos her mum said he was dead.

They lived alone, these lowly pair, in a cottage on the heath
One room above a stable, and a pig pen down beneath!

When she left school young Doris, was a comely looking wench:
big brown eyes and raven curls (she could have passed as French!)

At sweet fourteen, the farmer (who owned the pig pen down below)
Said to Mama Ethel, "your Doris sure did grow -
Send 'er to my Dairy, and I'll teach 'er a thing or two
She'll learn about the birds and bees and just who is flipping who"

Now Ethel wasn't stupid.................after all old Fred had flown,
leaving her to bring up Doris, completely on her own.

Ethel said "Oh Farmer Giles, you are mucky beast,
tis your young son named Eric wants Doris for a feast!"

lol Jac :))

Now Eric, such a strapping lad,
( with reputation awful bad
for tampering with ladies morals
and causing most enormous quarrels
between the husbands and their wives)
was running short on his 'nine lives'
and so his father sought to calm
and keep young Eric out of harm
by finding him a buxom maid
with talents that were well displayed.

So Ethel said " Now Farmer Giles.
you keep young Eric off the the tiles.
In six months now , the summer comes
and when it's time for picking plums
the hand of Doris he shall win.
Until that day he must not sin !
Keep him on the tightest rein
If my young Doris he's to gain"

Daisy or Doris????? Whose hand is he going to win????

Wmsl... love this!

Love

Daff xxxx

"Ah" said the old Farmer
"you've heard of Eric Giles?
He's not half bad to look at -
even thou he has boss-eyes.

Sumtimes when he's ploughing
the furrows long and deep,
The 'orse turns round in circles
and they end up with the sheep

I've seen the young maid Doris,
and I've a mind or so
to take her to my parlour,
where the milk it don't half flow"

Now Ethel, she was canny
she knew the game was up
so she called to young maid Doris
and said "fill up his cup -
you're going on a journey,
off to the place up yonder,
Don't be tardy Missy, you've no time to wander"

So Doris, all a tremble, took her one and only dress
had no time for washing, or even for a press!

She trudged up to the Farmer's house, quiet as a little mouse:

Mrs Giles was waiting, she was stern and she was fat
Seventeen stone and 8 pounds (not counting her new 'at)

"Get thee to the Dairy, you snivelling little girl -
I'll make you lose them rosy cheeks, and all them long brown curls"

Doris was bewildered, never had she left her home before,
and looked completely shaken and looked down on the floor.

"But Missus, where's me apron, where's me coat and where's me pail?! said Doris to the farmer's wife, and the farmer's wife did wail:-

"No good you looking for my son, he's far too good for thee,
begone, get off before he's home, 'ungry for his tea"

Eric pushed the dairy door
and stood and looked ( boss eyed) with awe
at Doris sitting on her stool,
he gaped just like a teenage fool
at sight of Doris' bounteous charms
which would (just) fit within his arms.
And watched her hands , as smooth as silk
a'working at the source of milk......

"She must be mine!" the words unsaid
clamoured loud inside his head
"such talent, such great pulchritude
I want her now , I'm in the mood !"

" Now lad", his father said right then
"You'll have the lass, but as and when
Your wicked ways you have renounced"
And grabbing Eric ere he pounced
The father led his son away
for all the meat he'd get that day
which Ma was laying on the table
"Eat it son while you are able"
Said Ma " that girl might have the look...
but it's Mother who nows how to cook! "

lol Fiona...as if I would ;)

xx

Whilst Eric ate his nightly fare
young Doris, she did sit and stare
into the distance, far and wide
"I wonder if my dad did ride......
or as my ma said, that he died.

I need my Pa, he'll save my soul
and from this dank and awful hole
he'll sweep me up and take me hither
and hopefully he'll not take Mither" (Yokel for Mother!!)

Back to her milking she did go
having neither friend nor foe
to keep her dream of fortunes new
(though they were so very few)
She kept her eyes upon the feet
of those smelly pongy beasts

"Alas, alack I have no choice - it's either this
or then the udder!"

(sorry about that folks!)))

When we were lassies or wee lads
twas tricky to trace errant dad's
( Some say it's much the same today
and blame it on the CSA)
But Doris , ever undetered
went back through everything she'd heard
about the man whose name was Fred,
who might be living , might be dead
and though it was a mammoth task
around the neighbourhood did ask,
of all and sundry their advice.
If heard it once she'd heard it twice,
that 'cans of worms' were best left closed
and 'Mother's version' unopposed.

Errant dads ( as general rule )
head for ports, like Liverpool,
where work was of hard manual kinds
on shipping of the merchant lines
and if one saved up every tip
one might then travel on a ship
to pastures new. And there was talk
That Fred had made it to New York.

Meanwhile, on t'other side of town
her face, wearing an awful frown
sat Parson's daughter Daisy Week
her hair and make-up she did tweak.

"I'll capture Eric's heart I know,
for he will want to be my beau.
But there is talk, or so I hear
of someone else he's holding dear -
seems young Doris (with no dad)
is casting eyes at my young lad.
I'll scratch her eyes out, dont you know
and she will simply have to go".

Doris stood before her 'mither'
" Now give me none of that there blither,
tell the truth Ma tell it now
I haven't come here for a row,
just to learn what fate befell
'fess up, tell truth and tell it well.
Did he die, or did he flee
it makes the world of diff'rence see"

"If he still lives , then I will seek
Leavin' Eric to feel 'Week'
That Daisy is much more his kind
he likes them with a large behind
and hers is plump , just like her mums
She'll be his when picking plums
is farmers work, in late July
Now there's the mail coach I must fly!"

Ethel, taken in a shock
wrung her hands and creased her smock:

"Oh daughter, daughter I'll tell thee
just afore yee have to flee

Yer dad, old Fred, he was a bounder
fancied someone much more rounder

He went a-courting to the farm,
and thou he didnt mean no harm
Mrs Giles he did a-bed,
and all the while that we were wed!!!!
He got his oats at that there farm
using all his wiles and charm!"

"Mother, I am all a shock
my food I have spilt down my frock,
too late to change I must be gone
I nearly was so put upon,
to wed the son of Mrs Giles!
I'm better off to travel miles
and see what lies at journey's end
to be upset you can't pretend
you would have wed me heartless mother
to Eric, who is my half brother!"

And casting down her irksome yoke
Doris did pick up her cloak
and from her bonnet shook the dust.
"Farewell Mother, now I must,
with haste ,take myself all away
to travel to Americay
There to search for Fred my Pa
I think he didn't travel far,
cross continent for many mile
I 'll bet he stayed near Ellis Isle"