General Chat

That I suppose boils down to the old question of Nature v Nurture..........bit of both as you say Sue : )

Thank you everyone for contributing to the thread.

It has made interesting reading.....I still haven't made up my mind whether it was just me, the fact that I was a middle child, or even a bit of both.

I am the eldest in the family, altho had an older brother who was stillborn. I think being the apple of my parents' eyes when I was small must have made it hard for me to accept my new baby brother when I was just 2 yrs and 10 days old. Soon after he was born we moved into our first house, before that we had lived in rooms and then at my aunt's house so that we qualified for a council house when my brother was born. Once he arrived my parent's began the traditional role scenario, I don't remember being out in the garden with my dad but recall helping my mum with housework and later on washing up etc.even when small. When my youngest brother arrived, I was 5, my other brother 3 and I was the nursemaid and when I was old enough to be left in charge, had to look after both brothers when my Mum went shopping on Saturday mornings. I taught both my brothers to read and would play schools with them and the other kids in the street. My brothers were always allowed out to play after our tea (dinner) but I always had to stay in and help wash up, then I had my homework to do. I know I used to cry after coming home from a relatives with a younger daughter, as I wanted a sister, I had enjoyed the company of another girl. Never happened tho!
I always got the hand me downs from my cousin in London and I suppose my brother got her brother's stuff, he is the chap who has just died. I know we had a lot of their handmedown toys too. We were always hard up so had a lot of secondhand furniture from relatives too, who helped my mother enormously. Dad's relatives lived away so we didn't see them much.
I wasn't able to stay on at school as my contribution was needed at home, and I think my parents assumed I would meet someone and get married so didn't need a career. Certainly I don't feel I was ever encouraged to aim very high, as long as I had a weekly wage it was acceptable. I had to pay for my own typing lessons at college after I left school at 16 whereas my brothers were helped by my parents and uncles, to stay on at school and/or do some kind training, my middle brother trained as a chef and my youngest brother as an accountant. We got on fairly well when they were younger but the youngest brother met a girl when he was in his early twenties and they married when he was 24 and moved into their own house. From then on we weren't that close as his wife wasn't very friendly, certainly I was rarely invited to their house and that continues to this day. i suppose in the 32 years they have been married - they have no children - I have been to their home (they have had three different houses fairly locally) no more than half a dozen times. My middle brother and I got on ok most of the time, till I bought a house and needed some work done which he said he would do, he took the money - yes I had to pay him! - and then didn't do the first job properly and never did the second job but kept the money. I did many things to help him out, ran a cafe he bought, made curtains etc for a property he was doing up for someone, and all sorts and only charged the costs of the work. We had a disagreement over the work on my house so he fell out with me for a whle, then we bumped into each other as I was going for a drink with a friend, he came into the pub too and my friend introduced him to one of the barmaids, and later on he moved in with her and her daughter, and they finally married in 1991. She is full of herself and my parents didn't like her much, except for the fact she took my son out of their house at last, he had moved back there and Mum was tired of having him around when she and Dad wanted to relax. Now my brother hardly bothers with me, both brothers are loaded but don't think of trying to help me out, but had it been the other way round I would have bent over backwards to help them.
We didn't get a tv set until 1961 or a phone till 1969/70. My youngest brother says we had a great upbringing but he forgets I was 5 yrs ahead of him and so didn't have as much as he did, ending up the only one at home for a while. I don't know if he even paid board money as by then my Mum was working part time as well as Dad out to work.
I feel very envious of families who are close or who have in laws who mix with the family well but sadly didn't happen with my lot.
I once mentioned on here how lucky someone was to have a sister and that's how I got my cyber Sis, Carolb, bless her.
I know my youngest brother and I are similar in some ways, but the middle brother is different again and has said he felt the odd one out. He isn't good socially and has few friends, whereas my other bro and I do have a lot of pals. It was good to spend some time with him on the drive to Southend the other day, we chatted a lot but I don't think it brought us any closer and I doubt I will see him any time soon.
It's really true, you can choose your friends but not your family lol
Li

I said what I said about only siblings (one of two children) in my previous post because I am the youngest of two sons.

Ben

My 'middle child' actually fills all the different slots in the sibling hierarchy.
She was the youngest of three - two boys ten and nine when she was born, were from my first marriage.- so for three years she was the spoilt baby sister.
Then we had another girl. That made the first girl the 'older sister'.. Then a year later we had , a boy... that put the first girl as the oldest of the second family, and the middle of the whole family. She has always been the most challenging of the five children.
Of the two older boys, the oldest has always been very jealous of his brother, who is the younger by one year only. They were treated the same, right down to having the same dinky cars etc. We have two of everything. My mother spoilt the older one, and not the second one, so you would think the second one would be the jealous one, but he is not.
All of them think that the youngest boy is favoured, but it is just that they see him getting attention, and don't remember that they had it too.
They are all great fun, the younger three although in their 20s now, still live at home - the older two are here frequently. It is laughter, teasing and 'in' jokes all day - but they are always quick to help or support eachother when needed.
Eileen
birth name

I'm the youngest with only an elder sister.

I'm the one that takes on the familys problems and am the one who nurtures and calms. My sister is the rebel of the family lol.

I'm not sure that this role is actually the real *me* but it's the role I have taken and it is now second naturexx

Evening everyone
a very interesting thread

I am the 2nd child out of 4, my oldersister is 17mths older and my brother is 11mths younger then comes another sister who is 10 years younger

my older sister, my brother and I played togerther alot when kids. we lived in a small village, everyone knew each other, we all went to the same school.
we were treated the same,
when my baby sister came along we helped to look after her but sometimes moaned when we wanted to go out with our mates and mum said 'Take your sister'

I think we are still very close and get on well together

x

Thanks, Susan, for putting up an interesting thread!

Following my original post, I thought I'd comment on my own 3 children.

Eldest is a girl, 23, living away from home since age 18. always very independent, but looks forward to coming home for the weekend. Middle is a boy, 21, argumentative since birth, always got an axe to grind. Lives at home but always out....you know what I mean..... youngest is a boy just 16 and has the odd strop but is generally sunny and easy going.

Number 2 has always been difficult and people often ask if this is middle child syndrome - I reply that he has been this difficult since he was the baby. I think this is simply his personality.

I think it is quite normal if a couple only ever had two children, then the eldest one is quite confident, brash and quirky whereas the younger one is usually quieter and gentler.

Ben

Susan.........regarding the children of now.

I , like you have always tried to treat my lot the same ( I have four ) but I was shocked that apparently they all feel " hard done by " as individuals and think that the others all got better treatment...........perhaps it is a sign of the times , I think that the World we live in now is very orientated to the " me,me,me" attitude.

Hi,

In was the eldest of four and the only girl. There was only 17 months between me and the next. I was 4 when number 3 was born and 11 when my youngest brother came along. I've always felt I was put on, having to look after my brothers and that alot of responsibility was put on my shoulders. There is a positive side to it though, it made me bring my children up differently.

Chris

Youngest of 9, 5 sisters and 3 brothers, eldest sister was 20 when I was born and the youngest 4,the older ones began to get married when I was about two so I grew up with my nieces and nephews for company really.
We have all become much closer as we have grown older, and all but one of us are still alive and really kicking.

Hi Hayley and everyone else who has answered I have enjoyed reading the posts.

Wow! you have all been busy while I have been away from the keyboard :-). I must go through this again later and re-read and also count how many adverse or otherwise effects there are and whether it is just me who thought that being a middle child made me feel left out wishing I was an only child at times.

I have asked mine more questions....The eldest loved being the only one until the next child came along, hated the responsibility, felt I was harder on her and thought the others were spoilt. The middle one thinks the others were spoilt but that he wasn't Jealous of them ( this one is more laid back than others ) and the youngest.....they thought was spoilt ....... she wanted to be able to join in with them but never seemed to be old enough.

They all say that sitting around the table at meal times were the times they enjoyed together

Have any others asked their children what they feel and been surprised at their answers?.

I'm the youngest of 4. Two elder brothers 6 & 7 years older and a sister 4 years older, so I was very much a 'little pest to them!'
Did my position affect me much?
My brothers went to boarding school, so during term time, my sister used to have to look after me, and during school holidays, my brothers had that pleasure!
Despite attempting to kill me a few times, I always managed to outwit my brothers. My sister suffered most, as I would bite her until she hit me then go crying to my mum!!
The younger of my brothers used to call me thick as I couldn't always answer his 'trivia' questions. It was only when I was older that, at 6 years younger, I realised I shouldn't have been able to answer 'O' level questions!
However, 30 years later I got my revenge - we both (independently) took an initial 'Mensa' test and found out when we phoned each other to brag about it. So we decided to pay for and take the proper test - he to prove he was cleverer than me - me to prove he wasn't. We both got exactly the same score!!!

My sister is more sensible than me. Elder brother was always very quiet and distant. We all have totally different personalities, but get on very well now.
I suppose the only 'bad' thing about being the youngest is that if I am in my mother's company for more than a day, she starts treating me like an 8 year old - even my own children have noticed it!!!
It's a weird (and somewhat annoying) situation when your mother treats her grandchildren as adults and their mother like a child!!


maggie

Youngest..~~~~~~~~~~ waves to Susan with numbers

I grew up as the youngest of the whole extended family, younger sibling, youngest cousin and so on and I used to get left out at times and looked after at others. But I don't think it's had any lasting effects on my life.

i am oldest of two . just me and my brother 3yrs between us , he was terrible always in trouble always blamed me !!!! . but we are close now . my father is youngest of 14, my mother is youngest of 4. and i have 6 , all close together one girl who is in 3rd child and let me tell you she was worse than all the boys!!! lol, but now she has a son herself and lives away from home she says now she knows what i went through . they all fought and really they still do fortunately for me only 2 still at home and they are 13,14 and still fight with each other, funny as it is, my two oldest dont get on , the two middle ones dont get on. so i think just having a child is a precious gift no matter what the little s.o.d.s get up to rofl

Hi - Middle of three. Older sister (6yrs), brother 3yrs younger. Not a good position to be in. Sister seemed to be grown up as we were growing up. She never got blamed for anything, but was more like a mother to us than a sister, as she looked after us at night while mother worked for the Zavaroni's, and dad lived on board ship. From my sister I did learn to knit and do french bobbin knitting. Brother always crafy, and still is, and I got the slap even if I had done no wrong.
Mum went to work in factories to keep him at Grammer School until he was nearly nineteen. I would have loved that education, and got it for myself when in my 50's. When he had made his way in the world, he never as much sent parents a birthday card, Christmas Card,Mothers or Fathers Day Card. Very ungrateful
Julia in Derbyshire

Lol Awdrey...you can say that again! BCXX

I was always brought up to believe that I was the eldest of two but found out a few years ago that I am actually the third of five!!

Bev