General Chat

Which one are you, and do you think your position in the family had a positive or negative effect on your childhood/life?

back later


Susan
x

Only child

Never knew any different really, but it would have been nice to have a sibling to share the grief when my mum died when I was 14., & when my grandad and my disabled nan craved support in the years following their only child's death..

I didn't want just one child myself, if possible, and I have two children of my own now. I'm now experiencing through their lives & interaction together
what I couldn't experience myself as an only child

(the sibling rivalry, arguments etc etc LOL ! )

only child......loved it and never wanted any brothers and sisters.....my thoughts were strengthened when i met my husband,the youngest of 12.


Karen x

the last one, there is 12 years between me and my brother, so felt like an only child at times i hated it, i was left to put up with all the stuff that happened after he moved out!!!

I'm 3rd born out of 4 (3 girls 1 boy), my younger sibbling is a sister, next older to me is brother. I was the worst of all 4 of us as a child so I'm told....turned out to have the biggest heart tho...lol. I was horrible to the older 2 & younger 1.....why I don't know...??

Morning Susan, morning everyone,

I am the eldest of 8, all of us are very close, agewise, some of us are closer than others, emotionally.

I think being the eldest certainly affected the way I grew up... my parents were more strict and unforgiving with me, at least when I was younger. They had given up by the time it got to my baby sister, lol.

The boys got away with far more than the girls, too!!

I am still the one everyone else turns to in a crisis... but they find it difficult to deal with me and my crises... the sister next to me says it is because I am the calmest in an emergency... those who know me will know how bad the rest of 'em are, using that criteria, lol

I know that I have never lived up to my parents expectations, and that does sadden me.... I really believe that I have had a blessed and extremely happy life and to me that is the most important place to be in!

I would have liked an older brother, hubby is an only child, and would have liked a sibling.

I wanted half a dozen children, but circumstances meant that we were unable to have any more after my two sons..... but even then, my compensation is my two beautiful little granddaughters!

My sister in law tells me that I am the number one female, lol.... she is Chinese!

Love

Daff xxxx

Oh dear.... I have rattled on a bit, haven't I?

edit... and I didn't really answer your question, Susan.. *hangs head in shame* Yes... it affected me... I am the bossy one, lol.... It is also why I am good at (((((hugs)))) and stuff.... I have had loads of practice and seem to know in the real world when to give a hug and when to tell a joke..... this tends to rub off in the way others see me.... I was described by work colleagues once as the Earth Mother... nurturing, but knowing when to cut the apron strings and let 'em fly!! And Bossy, lol ;¬))

Im the youngest out of 4 of us, the eldest being 10 years older than me. While growing up I was definately treated like the youngest ie I had them all wrapped round my little finger lol but since our Mum died I seemed to have changed roles so that now anything the others would of gone to mum for they now come to me. So in essence I have gone from the one they all cared for to the carer.

Good Morning all some interesting replies thank you :-)

What got me wondering was asking my children the same question.

Being a middle child I was the one who got the hand me downs lol, by the time I had worn them they were too old to pass down to the next, so the eldest got new as did the youngest. The two years between us seemed like eons compared to these days when all age groups appear to mix with ease socially.

Sibling rivalry was fierce at home but if outsiders dared to speak ill of any one us we stood together. The oldest was bossy and the youngest spoilt so you could say I didn’t like being a middle child but we became closer as we grew up and like some others It now seems as if I have taken the role of the eldest when it comes to organising or sorting out problems.

I always tried to treat my children with equality so that they didn’t feel the same Isolation and unfairness as myself and thought I had done a good job, but when speaking to them about this subject each one said the same, that they felt the others were spoilt or treated better than they. Luckily they are quite close and their perceived ‘neglect’ seems not to have an too adverse an effect :-). I must admit to being taken aback by their answers though.

Susan
x

I was the eldest by 6.5 years. I suppose I gained by beine an only child initially but then being the eldest and having to drag little sister with me wen I was a teenager (at weekends when Mum went out to work part time) made me a bit resentful. Then, being the eldest of two girls I was very restricted in my teens having to be in early etc etc and my sister had more leeway as they had practised on me so I wasn't able to grow up as quickly as I probably would have and was very timid until I got married.

However, I don't think that it has affected me overall. but that may be because I married young (20) and had our daughter at 21 and seemed to 'mature' overnight.

I have to say that until a few years ago my sister and I were not close, I still don't feel that close to her. There are the same number of years between our two and, although they get on fine, they didn't when the eldest was in her teens and they are not particularly close. It doesn't help that we all live about 100 miles from each other.

Ann
glos

I am the youngest of three ( older two being my brothers ).

When it comes to hand me downs I often got my brothers old jumpers / jeans to wear.........the consequence being that people often asked if I was a boy or a girl ..........lol

I have never really had an interest in the whole cloths thing ( and have never gone in for make up etc).........but I could mend a puncture or scale a six foot fence by the time I was 10.........lol

Now , as we have lost both our parents my brothers look to me for emotional support......their lives ( my brothers ) are poles apart and somehow I have become the one in the middle ( as it where ) that keeps us three glued together........strange old business is Life..........lol

Amanda

I am an only one so is my hubby and we have one daughter,she has one son, I would have loved to have been part of a larger family, I would have loved a larger family myself, my friends are very important to me , they are my surrogate family.that's probably
why I love being on here ......

Jean x

P.S. didnt really answer the question, it has affected my life I have always felt lonely and would have loved to be able to share things with someone.

Youngest of five (four girls and a boy)by five minutes i'm a twin ;0) Could have done without all the fighting in our house. It seems to me that the youngest always ends up being the peace maker in later life..

my OH is one of 11

i have a sister 9 yrs older and a brother 14 yrs older so i was always told i was a pest by my sister but my parents spoiled me

I was the middle one of 3, but as my brother was nearly 10 when I was born, it was usually just me with a younger sister.
My mother tried to be really fair,- not giving more to one than the other and dressed us girls alike. Eventually I plucked up courage to ask if I could at least have a different style when our dresses were made.
Like Ann's family, I think I paved the way for my sister to be treated more freely, when we got to our teens.
Overall though, my parents were great and gave us a wonderful childhood of happy memories.

OH is the eldest of 3 and had a lot more confidence than me, when we met.
We have 3 children (adults now) who all get on great and are ready to help and support each other if needed. Growing up I don't remember any real problems of sibling rivalry. We tried to give each, individual time, as well as family time together.

Gwyn

INTERESTING THREAD
I am the eldest of 5 children 3 boys 2 girls. My youngest sister is 15 years younger than me with 3 boys in the middle.
I was the permanant baby sitter for my little sister and sometimes missed out on some of the teenage years. I loved her dearly though and we are very close even now. She is my best friend and we speak on the phone daily. We see each other at least twice a week even though she lives an hours drive from me. My brothers seemed to have a rivalry as youngsters but became really close as adults.
I have now lost one of my younger brothers and soon to loose another who is very sick. My sister and I have been there for both of them through their illness but the other brother doesn't seem to be able to cope with those kind of things. All in all we had a great childhood but I was always the one that had to be there for the little ones. We were loved though.

I have two boys but because of living a great distance apart they are not close. That does upset me but my grandchildren of which I have 3 give me a lot of pleasure. I found that your own children sometimes take you for granted (Loved them to bits though) but Grandchildren love you unconditionally.
Waffled as usual so will now shut up lol.
Regards
Jackie

I had two brothers older than me and three brothers younger. Maybe because I was quite ill as a child, I was completely cossetted and taken care of by all my brothers and also by my father and mother. I adored the first and last born (sadly they have died) and the others I can take or leave. BC XX

I'm the eldest of two - I was born in September and my sister was born 23 months later in the August so there was only one school year between us.

I was always seen as the intelligent one, I think more was expected of me academically and I got better exam results than my sister, but I've found that I seem to be the one who gets given all the responsibilities while my sister gets to do as she likes.

(This is not, however, due to my parents attitude - more that, now we are old enough to look after the house if Mum and Dad want to go away somewhere, my sister will take every opportunity to go out and see her friends (last night she "had" to go and pick her friend up, then she "had" to take the friend home, for instance) and because I work from home I seem to get left with the day to day stuff. I think my sister is more of a "risk-taker" than I am - I will avoid doing something if it is inconvenient for others to work around, my sister just goes out and does it regardless (even if it means a row with my parents).

But saying that, it is probably due to personality - my sister can only do that because I am so non-confrontational that I tend to let her do it rather than tackle her about it, because confronting the issue invariably means argument and/or my sister getting what she wants anyway.

Hi all, I was adopted and grew up as an only child, don't remember ever feeling lonely though, and still quite happy with my own company, but not a loner have loads of friends. Found out earlier this year that I am actually 3rd of 7 children and have contact with my oldest sister, she's 10 years older than me, its taking some getting used to, we are hoping to meet up when I come over to UK in January. I have 2 boys aged 28 and 25, tried to bring them up both the same but each one says the other got more attention,toys, clothes etc. they are quite close but totally different personalities.
Regards
Dawn

I have three older brothers and always feel I missed out not having a sister. I would have loved a sister

Barbara x

I am the youngest child on my mum's side but the eldest on my dads. how confusing is that.