General Chat

A coach load Mau...lol

but how many going to the b****y fair Hayley??? :O)))

funny you should mention Bats...thinks one has gone to sleep it off..

Okay,not a joke but a brainteaser.....

On my way to the fair, I met 7 jugglers and a bear, every juggler had 6 cats, every cat had 5 rats, every rat had 4 houses, every house had 3 mouses, every mouse had 2 louses, every louse had a spouse. How many in all are going to the fair?

�



Two brooms were hanging in the closet, and after a while they got to know each other so well they decided to get married

One broom was, of course, the bride-broom, the other the groom- broom
The bride-broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom-broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom-broom
Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself -- this is going to hurt!!!!!!






'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

......................................
Oh for god sake...Laugh, or at least groan
Life's too short not to enjoy...Even these silly...little cute...And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!�

Sounds to me like she's...been...sweeping around!!!

Not so much as a joke, more of a story



A mouse looked through the crack

in the wall to see the farmer

and his wife open a package.



What food might this contain?'


the mouse wondered - - -
he was devastated to discover


it was a mousetrap.








Retreating to the farmyard,


the mouse proclaimed the warning :

There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!'










The chicken clucked and scratched,


raised her head and said,


'Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave


concern to you, but it is of no consequence


to me. I cannot be bothered by it.'


The mouse turned to the pig and told him,

'There is a mousetrap in the house!


There is a mousetrap in the house!'


The pig sympathized, but said,


'I am so very sorry, Mr.Mouse,


but there is nothing I can do about it


but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.'




The mouse turned to the cow and said,

'There is a mousetrap in the house!


There is a mousetrap in the house!'




The cow said, 'Wow, Mr. Mouse.


I'm sorry for you,


but it's no skin off my nose.'

So, the mouse returned to the house,


head down and dejected,


to face the farmer's mousetrap . . . alone.

That very night a sound was heard


throughout the house -- like the sound


of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.


In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife.



The farmer rushed her to the hospital,


and she returned home with a fever.




Everyone knows you treat a fever


with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer


took his hatchet to the farmyard


for the soup's main ingredient.




But his wife's sickness continued,


so friends and neighbors came to sit


with her around the clock.



To feed them,


the farmer butchered the pig.







The farmer's wife did not get well;


she died.




So many people came for her funeral,


the farmer had the cow slaughtered to


provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his


crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is


facing a problem and think it doesn't


concern you, remember ----

when one of us is threatened,


we are all at risk.





We are all involved in this


journey called life.


We must keep an eye out for


one another and make an extra effort


to encourage one another.





SEND THIS TO EVERYONE WHO


HAS EVER HELPED YOU OUT


AND LET THEM KNOW HOW


IMPORTANT THEY ARE.




REMEMBER. . . . . .

EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY;

OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER


FOR A REASON.






One of the best things to hold onto


in this world is a FRIEND.

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds himin the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

Lol to all of them.

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying,

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, "You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad."

"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien? "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear."

Man posted his dog missing in local newspaper - notice said "Here boy"!!!!

I can never remember jokes but enjoy other peoples.
Love the bats!

LOL very good!! :O))

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth


Die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.


Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should get into Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure the angels will be pleased to see them every day, for eternity.'


The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse,


Shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The angel chuckles and says, 'Okay, Your Majesty, you may go in.'

Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and gets in!
Would you explain that to me?'

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the angel,






But, even in Heaven, a royal flush

Beats a pair - no matter how big they are.

Two bats hanging in a cave


One turns to the other & says


"When I get old........I hope I don't become incontinent!"






Any more????