General Chat

Thanks everyone.

Feeling much better today. Just been to the rugby match and had a good old yell!!

Thanks again, you're all stars!

A colleague told me this story:

She was taking a recruitment course so her manager asked her if she would like to sit in on some interviews and observe and she agreed.

On the day of the interviews she sat in a corner to observe. The first interviewee came in and the manager said please ignore the lady in the corner she is just here to observe and the interview proceeded.

Half way through the interview my friends seat on the chair fell through and she went with it. She was stuck in the chair with her legs in the air fllashing her stocking tops and underwear. She was that jammed in she couldnt get out and her manager had to help her by pulling at her arms and pushing on her chair with his feet.

All the time the interviewee was looking forward and ignoring everthing that was going on.

Eventually she was free and went out of the room.

Needless to say the interviewee got the job not because of his interview style just because he IGNORED the lady in the corner!!

Have a look at 140235958532 on the E-bay..PSML

Hi Maggy, hope you are feeling better today.

love
Helen

There are 3 guys sitting in a restaurent having a meal. when the 1st one stands up and says "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom".
when he comes back he has his hand up by his ear. The other 2 say " Why is your hand by your ear?" 1st one replies " I'm receiving a phone call" and he sits down.
5 Minutes later the 2nd man gets up and says "excuse me" and goes to the toilet. He comes back and is looking at his hand. The others ask "Why are you looking at your hand?" He says " I'm receiving an email" and sits down. After they had finished their meal the 3rd man gets up and says "Excuse me" He returns after a while with toilet paper coming out of his trousers. the other 2 men look at each other, rather puzzled, and then ask "Why do you have toilet paper coming out of your trousers" the 3rd man replies.....


























"I'm receiving a Fax"

Lol...
Won't be on til later now (going to the pub!), so keep the jokes and tales coming.

Thanks everyone

A doctor in Ireland wanted
to get off work and go hunting, so he
approached his assistant.
"Seamus, I am goin huntin tomorrow and don't
want to close the clinic.
I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me
patients".
"Yes, sir!" answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and
returns the following day and asks:
"So, Seamus, how was your day?"

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MALOX, sir," says Seamus.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what
about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and
suddenly the door opens and a woman
enters. Like a flame, she
undresses herself, taking off everything
including her bra and her panties
and lies down on the table.

She spreads her legs and
shouts: "HELP ME! For five
years I have not seen any man!"

"Thunderin' Lard ", Seamus, what did
ye do?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes " !!!!!

How do you make a football pitch into a triangle?

Take a corner

Lol.....rude but funny!!

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.

"Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.

"Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die,they
inflate and float you up to heaven."

Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite
satisfied.Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes
into the kitchen.

"Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"What do you mean? says his mother.

Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her balloons
are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling
"God, I'm coming! I'm coming

It was entertainment night at the Old Folks Home
.
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 'I want each one of you to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting:

'Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch...'

The crowd became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

'S**T!'
said the Hypnotist.



...It took three days to clean up the Old Folks Home!!!

Lol....Foggy!

Back again, sorry I remembered the rugby league was on telly!

Thanks Dee, loved em!

Thanks too to everyone else.

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women Have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns To tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,

'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

"The truth I do not stretch or shove
When I state the dog is full of love.
I've also found, by actual test,
A wet dog is the loveliest.”

Ok Dee, will do!

If you send me your email addy I will send you a very funny video clip about lip gloss

Dee x

A couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an
elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely
nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks
them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and
says goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex
therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but
agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an
appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor,
then leaves.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm
sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The old man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's
married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go
to my house.. Travelodge charge £93. The Hilton charges £139. We do
it here for £50, and I get £43 back from Bupa.'

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know..........

Is what tells each one where to go!

Thanks Bob!!

Ann, very tempting!! We've been twice to Cardiff. Once for the rugby league and then again to have a good look around (and some shopping!). Must admit that I liked what I saw.